It was only 4 months, but the time for me felt like forever, it’s been a roller coaster ride of life. Been hit by waves of challenges, and I survived.

I learned to live, half alive. And yes, I’m still alive. 4 months back, my beloved Suki went missing, my life trembled. I kinda crashed, I risked my life, searching for her again.

Hope and believe, is what kept me moving. The nervousness and hope to put on every time I received a call bout found dog, every single time. Then, I was crushed in the end… So, I try to learn, not putting such high hopes, again. But, there’s still a believe, that she’s alright, somewhere, well taken care of. At least, that’s what I want to believe.

Everyday, I dream. I dreamed that I’ll see her face again when I open the door, with her standing there wagging her tail, oh yeah and shaking her butt too, greeting me with her sharp pitch bark. Oh boy, I missed her so badly. I lost my inspiration for blogging, she was the one that got me motivated blogging by starting of with http://petssionate.blogspot.com . Without her now, I just lost it. But think again, I can’t just let this die off, I want to let it live, forever, and I’ll always remember her.

With all the sadness, disappointment and despair. Then, there came a new hope… something that I thought it will be forever. But, it just wasn’t. I was naive. Having to put up to lost a love of 6 years, someone who sleeps with you every nite… I had to lose another love of almost 8 years, someone who I spent most of my time with for the last 8 years. I didn’t see it coming soon enough. I didn’t have enough time to prepare myself for the next wave of sadness.

It wasn’t easy, it’s still not easy, and it will never be easy. When things like this happen, I hated my life. I blamed myself, I blamed destiny, I blamed fate, I blamed god… Why has it got to be me? Perhaps that’s becoz I just wasnt good enough? I didn’t do good enough?

For days, weeks, and months, I just hope that I won’t be awake anymore, or maybe just fall into amnesia, be it temporary or permanent, short or long, coz it’s hard to face another day. I still do feel the same, but I kept telling myself hard that it will be a better day tomorrow, so I put up a smile every day, to face another brand new day. There’s a quote with me, which helps pushes me on everyday.

When bad things happen, good things come.

When I lost Suki, I came to believe with humanity. My close friends, people who I have not met, people who I wasnt even close with, came to help, some even put up with extra mile. I’m thankful and grateful for everything and help that they offered. I dunno how could I ever repay them.

Losing her, makes me fully understand how it’s like, to lose the one you really love, and how it was. So, when I came across a lost dog, I try to reunite them with the owner. I managed to reunite mixed terrier with it’s owner, who I called him Whitie, but soon found out his real name is Marco.

Then, I came across a poodle, which managed to reunite with the owner in an hour time.

Then, a silky terrier, which a guard found and informed me, it was kept at the guard house, I gave him some food and water. After a few days, the owner managed to reunite with the dog.

Then, a Shih Tzu, a remarkable escape artist, which could be lost 3 times and found by different people and informed over to me. I guess that’s fate. i tried hard to search for it’s owner, but luck just isn’t on my side. But i’m glad, i’ve found him a new home, that, should be his forever home now.

All this, I wouldn’t be able to do it without a help of a fosterer, Koo, who I got to know after Suki was missing. I’m glad to know a new friend, he’s truly an animal lover. I salute him for all the effort of the rescue mission.

There were good things that happen, and there were some bad ones, where people trying to get advantage of you.. which that kinda led to my lost love…

Life, just isn’t the same again. Me? I lost myself.

Once, I read an article bout break up, depression and songs. It may not be easy to describe how we feel or what we’re going through, that’s how we relate ourselves to a certain song which sings our heart out. So, here’s some part of songs I taken out from different songs that kinda sing out what’s inside me.

If you ever leave me, baby,

Leave some morphine at my door

Cause it would take a whole lot of medication

To realize what we used to have,

We don’t have it anymore.

 

- It Will rain, Bruno Mars -

—————-

According to you I’m stupid, I’m useless

I can’t do anything right

According to you I’m difficult, hard to please

Forever changing my mind

 

I’m a mess in a dress, can’t show up on time

Even if it would save my life

According to you, according to you

 

- According To You, Orianthi -

—————-

When all that you’ve tried, leaves nothing but holes inside,

It seems like you’re wired, to stay here held in time,

Cuz nothing seems to change, oh no.

No nothing’s gonna change, at all.

I can see it in your face, the hope has gone away.

if you hold tight, shadows will be lost in the light.

Oh cuz sometimes, faith and your dreams will collide.

 

- Holes inside, Joe Brooks -

—————-

I’m so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave

Your presence still lingers here and it won’t leave me alone

 

These wounds won’t seem to heal, this pain is just too real

There’s just too much that time cannot erase

 

When you cried, I’d wipe away all of your tears

When you’d scream, I’d fight away all of your fears

And I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

 

You used to captivate me by your resonating light

Now, I’m bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

 

- My Immortal, Evanescence -

—————–

The scars of your love remind you of us

They keep me thinking that we almost had it all

The scars of your love, they leave me breathless

I can’t help feeling

 

- Rolling In The Deep, Adele -

——————

And I told you to be patient

And I told you to be fine

And I told you to be balanced

And I told you to be kind

 

And now all your love is wasted

Then who the hell was I?

‘Cause now I’m breaking at the britches

And at the end of all your lines

 

Who will love you?

Who will fight?

Who will fall far behind?

 

- Skinny Love, Birdy -

—————

Notice me take my hand

Why are we strangers when

Our love is strong

Why carry on without me?

 

Every time I try to fly

I fall without my wings

I feel so small

I guess I need you baby

And every time I see you in my dreams

I see your face, it’s haunting me

I guess I need you baby

 

I make believe

That you are here

It’s the only way

I see clear

What have I done

You seem to move on easy

 

- Everytime, Britney Spears -

—————

I’m so sorry that I hurt you

Sorry that I fell through

Sorry I was falling in love with you

I’m sorry that it came true but sorry doesn’t turn back time

For all that I have done to you

I wish that I could make it right

So sorry that I loved you

Sorry that I needed you

Sorry that I held you tight

 

- Sorry that I Loved You, Anthony Neely -

—————-

Never mind, I’ll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you, too

Don’t forget me, I begged, I remember you said

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

 

You know how the time flies

Only yesterday was the time of our lives

We were born and raised in a summer haze

Bound by the surprise of our glory days

 

Nothing compares, no worries or cares

Regrets and mistakes, they’re memories made

Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

 

- Someone Like You, Adele -

——————-

So you sailed away

Into a gray sky morning.

Now I’m here to stay,

Love can be so boring.

Nothing quite the same now,

I just say your name now.

 

But its not so bad,

You’re only the best

I ever had.

You don’t want me back.

You’re just the best

I ever had.

 

And it may take some time

To patch me up inside.

But I can’t take it

So I run away and hide.

And I may find in time

That you were always right.

You’re always right.

 

- Best I ever Had, Vertical Horizon -

——————-

And who do you think you are?

Runnin’ ’round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

 

- Jar of Hearts, Christina Perri -

——————-

If I die young, bury me in satin

Lay me down on a bed of roses

Sink me in the river at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

 

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I’ll sell ‘em for a dollar

They’re worth so much more after I’m a goner

And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singing

Funny, when you’re dead how people start listening

 

- If I Die Young, The Band Perry -

——————–

At night I pray

That soon your face

Will fade away

 

- Everytime, Britney Spears -

Who Am I, really?